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#5 is really suffering at school & things are not good in his 9 year old life.....to the point where I overrode a hard won policy NOT to speak to his Fat Pig of a father & called the guy. On the heels of lots of whiny emails moaning that he wasn't "being updated"-despite me having school get in touch with him-and whiny emails moaning that i don't talk to him direct.
I said "I'm calling you about Alex"
He said "I don't like your tone"
I said "I'm not enjoying calling you but we need to talk about Alex"
He said "well you certainly are making a mess of it you stupid bitch."
I hung up.
Now I feel guilty, I feel inadequate-why does he hate me so much? I MUST have done something wrong to attract this level of contempt & dislike. I feel self destructive-I literally do not want to live in this environment. I am scared that I AM making a mess of it-despite lots of teachers/doctors/people telling me I'm handling his problems well. He has texted saying "call me for the child's sake" & I feel terrible for not calling but I don't think it is for the child's sake-he wants me to call so he can mess with my head some more. And I am so susceptible to it-his bad opinion makes me so depressed, so angry, so violent towards myself-tears keep filling my eyes, i can't concentrate and its ridiculous because I have no respect for the man-I know he is scum but I can't escape. I'm scared of never escaping-destiny is waiting for me like Primo Levy & the lift shaft tho sadly no prize winning books stand between me & it.
#5 is really suffering at school & things are not good in his 9 year old life.....to the point where I overrode a hard won policy NOT to speak to his Fat Pig of a father & called the guy. On the heels of lots of whiny emails moaning that he wasn't "being updated"-despite me having school get in touch with him-and whiny emails moaning that i don't talk to him direct.
I said "I'm calling you about Alex"
He said "I don't like your tone"
I said "I'm not enjoying calling you but we need to talk about Alex"
He said "well you certainly are making a mess of it you stupid bitch."
I hung up.
Now I feel guilty, I feel inadequate-why does he hate me so much? I MUST have done something wrong to attract this level of contempt & dislike. I feel self destructive-I literally do not want to live in this environment. I am scared that I AM making a mess of it-despite lots of teachers/doctors/people telling me I'm handling his problems well. He has texted saying "call me for the child's sake" & I feel terrible for not calling but I don't think it is for the child's sake-he wants me to call so he can mess with my head some more. And I am so susceptible to it-his bad opinion makes me so depressed, so angry, so violent towards myself-tears keep filling my eyes, i can't concentrate and its ridiculous because I have no respect for the man-I know he is scum but I can't escape. I'm scared of never escaping-destiny is waiting for me like Primo Levy & the lift shaft tho sadly no prize winning books stand between me & it.
